My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
