I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Randomize
