you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
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