Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Randomize
