whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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