I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Randomize