i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
