His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Randomize
