my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
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