so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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