high people should be assigned attendants
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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