You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
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