Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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