my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Randomize
