This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
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I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
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I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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