Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
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I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
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How many fucks given?
0.12846
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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