shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
