I think I won the penis lottery.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
