So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize