At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
