so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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