we have pet lesbian snakes
it wasn't lemon gatorade
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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