he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
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