DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
