Pregnant stripper...not hot.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
