oh god the rape fog is back!
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Randomize
