Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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