just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
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