Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
