A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
