Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
