I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
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