If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Drunk is a universal language darling
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
