Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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