I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
