i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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