either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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