Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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