Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
Randomize
