I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
