I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
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