...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
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He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
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She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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