i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize