Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
