A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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