So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Randomize
