i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
