he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
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