wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
i think im in europe. pls send help
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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