he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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