everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
