I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
you have to choose: penises or morals?
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Randomize
