Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
