She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
