hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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