Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
