So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
