i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
I have post one night stand depression
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