Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
