My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Are we still banned from the library?
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
