my vag is so smooth its legendary
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
