i think i have herpe
just one?
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
