I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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