What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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