In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
