apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I'm sobbing to NWA
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
