I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Randomize
